Hair today....Gone tomorrow

Again, I apologize for so long between posts! When I feel good, I am so busy working and keeping ahead of cleaning and laundry, I just don't take the time to sit down and post.
Well....as I was mentioning in my last post my hair was slowly coming to an end....on Thursday at 11am, I had to let it all go!!! LOL From Monday to Thursday it changed from coming out in my fingers if Id run my hands through it to being able to pull chunks out from the root. I couldn't do anything with it, so my dear hairdresser (and best friend) met me at her salon with pink balloons and a dozen pink roses for a farewell to my beloved hair!! Mom was there as well with her camera in hand! Some tears were shed not just by us but by other hairdressers and clients of the salon, they were all so supportive showing amazing love and uplifting me with compliments and hugs that it will soon grow back. I have to say it was a pretty big shock, but I was so grateful to see that my head was free of moles, birthmarks, fat rolls, etc!!  I am now in the market for cute hats!  I am still trying to find the right wig....havent found "the one" yet, but I am completely content with hats.  I didnt think I'd like scarves, but have seen some pretty cute ones.  So, I guess I would have to say I am adjusting rather well to my "chrome dome"  Another hurdle on my journey that is now behind me. 


My 2nd Chemo was moved from the 31st to June 1st.  So, Wednesday at 8am I start round 2 of the UCFC.   The good news.....I know what to expect this time.  The bad news.....I know what to expect this time!  Lol  I saw a quote on a preview for a new movie that said, "There is no force on Earth more powerful than the will to live"  I will take this quote through my darkest days of round 2.  I will fight like a girl!!!  I will prove to God that he has the right player in the right position for what he has called me to do! I will strive to be an inspiration to my family & friends, and anyone faced with cancer and the loved ones that support them.  I have the will to live and I WILL be a survivor!! 

I love you all!  Fierce Faith

My Chrome Dome Posse'

Brother Jason, John, me & James

Great weekend

Hi everyone...I had an amazing weekend, feeling great. Aliyah had her kindergarten bbq on friday, and I still had hair! (She had mentioned earlier that it would be ok for me to come even if I was bald!) Lol Had Aliyahs bday party at Chuck E Cheese on saturday...that was a huge success..lots of friends were able to make it. (Thank you everyone for making her day so special) And on Sunday we had family pictures...and I still had hair!! Pictures were amazing! I can't wait to get them, we had lots of fun being the goofy family that we are! (Thank you Kari for that amazing gift!) I had a post op Dr. appt today, that went well. 13 since chemo...blood counts were all good, platelets were low, I go in tomorrow for my herceptin infusion, so I will see what they want to do then. I feel great! So glad since its just a week away and I get to do it all over again!! Man that time went fast! My big news is.....my hair started falling out today! Not in big clumps, but if I run my fingers through it, I end up with quite a bit in my hand. Its really kind of freaky. I went down and tried on wigs this afternoon...that was interesting! They all just looked so fake to me...they looked awesome on the bald manequin, but when I put them on, it looked like a big nest on my head! Haha. I have such fine, thin hair. It looked weird having a full, thick head of hair, which Is what I've always wanted! I did find one I liked, and they can order it in a color very close to my own. I'm going to look at a couple more places, I know I don't have but a couple days left with my own hair!! Sad, but I knew it was coming. Other than that we are all hangin in there, taking life 1 day at a time...counting all our blessings! Thank you all for your tremendous love and support..somedays I wouldn't make it through without the encouragement from many of you.

Love you--fierce faith <3

Human again?!?

Hi everyone! I think Im on the mend now from round 1 of chemo!! Holy Shit, I ain't gonna lie...that SUCKED!! Still not back at 100%, but I don't think I will be until chemo is done. Im well on my way to losing my 30 lbs in 30 days! Thanks to everyone who brought us amazing food!! My family is loving it...we've had; pasta, chili, meatloaf, tacos, chicken alfredo, enchiladas, WOW! Looks and smells delicious! My appetite has been pretty much nothing...I've been eating bananas, yogurt, and popsicles!! Oooh and vanilla milkshakes! Those are my favorite!! Sunday evening when I started feeling human again I was craving cheese pizza...wasnt sure how it would do on my stomach, but at that point popsicles and bananas werent doing any better!! I had 2 pieces of papa murphys cheese pizza!! It was soooooo good!! Sunday night was horrible...not sure what happened, but Im pretty sure I had an anxiety attack....breathing was hard, I couldn't get comfortable, ended up taking a shower to hopefully try to relax, didn't help as much as I'd hoped, but eventually I was able to fall asleep. James ended up staying home with me. That was comforting. So, it is safe to say I have my first battle under my belt! If I only have to do 4 treatments instead of 6, Im 25% of the way!!! Im not sure how they decide, but let's all pray for 4!! Although I'm not looking forward to round 2, knowing I will be half way through it, is very comforting! So for now, I'm going to enjoy my days of feeling human again!

I'll leave ya with a little story;
Aliyah came home from school one day and said, "I wish I didn't tell one of my friends that you had cancer because she made fun of you." Mommy kindly replied, "its ok Aliyah, she probably doesn't really understand. And its ok to tell her that hurts your feelings." Then chemo bitch piped in...." And if she does it again, punch her in the face!!!" Lol Hey mama bear is just trying to protect her cub....the kids are dealing with enough as it is!

Love you all and God bless.....Fierce Faith!

#1 Fan

My first and #1 fan in the "chrome dome" club!!!

Anyone else?????

Fear or Faith?

Wow!! Today was a true test....we all felt the effects of chemo today. Faith and fear cannot reside in the same body, and this morning my body, my mind, my everything was covered in fear. I owe a HUGE thanks to my amazing husband, my kids, mom & dad, Heather, Shasta, Darcy & Kari for getting me through today! Whether your hugs, your words, your prayer, or your big comfy recliner (thanks dad..this is like heaven!) you all had a huge impact on my day! I had one hell of a night..and it got worse as the day went on...nausea, NO sleep, body aches, sore mouth/throat, rash on chest & neck.....i cried all day....I felt defeated, beat down....hurting!! No matter how hard I tried, I could not pull myself out of despair! Over and over I kept hearing...faith or fear? God was right here...open arms....and I was scared..trying to get through this on my own. So now here I am...slightly medicated...ok, well very medicated, but with the ability to think clearly again....remembering the very thing I stand on...FAITH...FIERCE FAITH!! and although this journey will be filled with ups and downxs....even in the deepest darkest moments, I will rise up in faith and let God do what he has already promised he will do! I will not let fear take over again!! Thanks again for everyone who is following along. Thanks for the prayers not just for me, but for my family as well. Thanks for crying with us during the tough times...and celebrating the small triumphs!

I love you all so very much!
Fierce Faith

UCFC (ultimate cancer fighting championship)

Thought all you UFC fans might get a kick out of this post!

Here we go....the current champion of the world....chemo....just stepped into the ring...my body....to battle his new opponent!! Chemo is off to a butt kicking start! I must say it was a rough start for me....took the 3rd nurse to finally access my port, but once it was in...smooth sailin! I've got tons of naseau meds already on board, plus lots on hand! I also started a steroid yesterday, I take for 3 days..that had me up all night...probably shouldn't have taken second dose at 11pm! Haha...so anyway, this blog is short and sweet...we've got 3-5 more treatments and were walking in faith with God that this cancer will be destroyed and never to return!

Until next time....forever in faith!

Surgery on friday went well. I am still recovering with limited use of both arms! I'm not sleeping great as I can only lay on my back...I am now experiencing back aches, neck pain, and horrible headaches from my one sleep position! I do have to say the staff at Deaconess was amazing! This was my first surgery and a very scary thing..they were all so encouraging and explained everything as we went along. The OR was just like I imagined from TV. Big, cold and scary! Lol The anesthesiologist helped me prepare for my little nap...as I was drifting off she was talking about a warm sunny place..she mentioned something about the kids all playing and getting along...ZZZZZZZ...surgery went well I was told!! Now for recovery...I just remember having the hardest time staying awake. I could hear the guy beside me gagging and making the strangest sounds. I was trying to focus and I think I only had 1 eye open trying to see what was going on...once I saw the trough looking thing hanging off his face I decided it would be better to not see! I then remember feeling the pain of the surgery sites..they were both pounding. I was also beginning to feel a little sick myself..the nurse gave me some anti-naseua meds and instantly I felt better. Then I got some pain meds and we were free to go home. Sunday was rough...I got up and ready to take a shower..after James and I strategically working to get my tshirt off...I stepped in the shower and just cried...its all real now...I could feel it, I could see it, I am fighting cancer!! The cuts and bruises were too much to look at. I could barely move my arms to wash my hair. I gave up..stepped out of the shower and just stood there...helpless! That was the reality..I can't do it all anymore. Tomorrow I start chemo at 9:30 am...I'm ready, yet scared....knowing that its gonna get worse, but praying for tremendous strength and comfort!
Feel free to stop and sat hi on my chemo days..as long as your not sick, we welcome company. I will be at CCNW on Sherman. Thank you again for the prayers and support.
Love you all....fierce faith!

little distractions

I've learned that Im not that good at blogging!! I feel like I've got so much going on with work...appointments....my family....by the time I think I get the chance to write something I get interupted...(like just now...Isaiah & Aliyah just ran in tattling on each other...LOL it never fails!!) Ok, so here's the update. In the last week I've had a crown put on my molar, an echocardiogram, chemo class, & a PET/CT scan!! Im anxiously awaiting results of the PET scan to hear that the cancer has NOT spread!!! (Interuption from Aliyah) On Friday the 6th I have a minor surgery to remove some lymphnodes for a biopsy and to get the port for chemo. And then...Chemo begins on Tuesday May 10th at 9:30 am. They say about 5-6 hours. Blah!! (Heres Aliyah...again) 24 hours after each chemo I go in for an injection that helps something with my bone marrow?!?! Im ready to move forward with this whole process, but oh so scared of the "unknowns" I know this is going to be when the kids really can see that mommy is sick. Isaiah whispers in my ear frequently..."Do you still have cancer?" It's so sweet yet so sad. Aliyah has an end of Kindergarten bbq at school and she told me she really wants me to be there, and that its ok if Im bald! (In enters Isaiah!) I know we will all get through this, but what hurts so much is wondering what the kids are thinking/feeling. I know they have great support groups for kids and I am sure they will do fine, but I know they will miss mommy not being up and running around the house all the time. (And yet another interuption, somehow Isaiahs fingers got hit with a ruler...but Austin isnt sure how it happened??) Usually it would be this point where I turn off the computer and try again later...but I am determined to finish this post!!! Anyway, as we put on our helmets and tighten our chin straps to battle this thing head on, please continue to pray for comfort, peace, and strenth! I know many of you pray each day, I can feel it! Thanks to everyone for the cards, flowers, books, food, etc. We all appreciate it very much. Love you all soo much!
Until next time.....4ever in Faith <3