September 19th, 2011......A day I thought I'd never forget, yet as the days, months, YEAR went by....I think I have kind of forgot about it!! I read through some old posts on my blog and on facebook to "get me in the mood" LOL Even though I dont remember some things, the feeling is very much still here. As soon as I begin reading, that pit in my stomach returns...that lump in my throat...that tear in my eye! My prayer over time is not that I forget everything, but that I just get past it!! Its always going to be a part of me.....a bump in my road of life. I want to be able to use my story to inspire others and for that very reason, I cant forget it! 1 year ago today....surgery eve....I was scared, anxious, excited, nervous, etc. I kind of knew what to expect, but I had no idea the emotional roller coaster the next year would bring. A new body that had been touched by cancer and all the things that come with it. Going through cancer was the easy part looking back....Friends and Family swooped in, picked me up when I was down, cooked for us, cleaned for us, emotionally supported me. I had gifts pouring in, encouraging phone calls, letters, cards. I didnt have to even think on my own....someone was always here to do it for me. LOL But when it was all over....when I had that last herceptin appt in May....that last PET scan....that last biopsy....that last appt to say everything looks good! See ya in 3 months! My heart sank....Now what do I do?? I've got this scarred body, fuzzy hair, and LOTS of emotions!! So in the last 4 months of no appointments, I've done alot of thinking, soul searching, praying. In April, the hats came off, I finally started rockin the short hair...and although I have twice as much as I had then....its still hard to look at sometimes. My scars are lightening and Im getting used to the "new" me, but its still hard to look at sometimes. Its now time to move on....Wow.....what a whirlwind year!! Now that its all over.....I walk with my God...I cry to him....I thank him for seeing me through all of this....I ask him to show me how to move forward each and every day....I ask him to take the pain away....the fears away....I ask him to lead me into the lives of others I can impact....I ask him to put others in my life that may impact me.....and then I listen, and as he answers my prayers, I am reminded of Gods amazing grace and his perfect timing.
Many of you know about the bracelets my mom and dad had made for me....Fierce Faith Team Steph.....they were a reminder to me during my time of sickness of the many people I had on my team, walking with me, praying for me. I have not taken mine off since we got them over a year ago....but today I will take the bracelet off...and I ask any of you still wearing yours, to take it off. It is a closing to this chapter in my life. September 19th, 2011....I slept most of that day....but today September 19th, 2012...I will be awake....I am so thankful for everything and everyone that impacted my life over the past year. As I continue my lifes journey, I will forever be thankful to those of you that helped me through my journey with cancer.
I know I will, and I hope you will, forever have FIERCE FAITH!!
LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
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