Full Moon--Full Heart

As I started writing this it was August 2nd, 2012.  I know by the time I hit "publish" it will be tomorrow....August 3rd.  Why does it matter???  Because today....August 2nd, 2011 I was sitting at CCNW enduring round 5 of chemo....Its hard to put into words the anticipation of knowing in the next 2-3 days how these drugs are going to take over your body!?!?  Its been a real crazy week.....I wont even get into the personal garbage, but when I think back to 1 year ago, Im forced to ask myself.....Is this really that bad??  Its an amazing thing how cancer can put back into perspective whats really that bad!!  These little trivial things in my life can either derail me....or I can remember the days of fighting through chemo looking at the terrified looks in my kids' eyes as they just wanted mommy to get up!  They just wanted to know I was going to be ok.....I will never forget as long as I live how Isaiah and Aliyah just wanted to know that I would be able to pick them up again!  And I'll tell ya what........as soon as I had recovered from my surgery....I picked them up and held them...something so small to any other child, but to my kids it meant mommy is going to be ok!!  So today.....as I chalk up my weird week to the full moon....hahaha....I realize how much worse it could be....how much worse it WAS. 
The main reason for my full heart is for the concern of a best friend that just heard the earth shattering words...."Your biospy came back positive....You have breast cancer."   Uuuuuuuggghhhh....I think it hurts just as much as when I heard it for myself.  If theres one thing Ive never been able to deal with, its watching someone close suffer and not really know how to help. Im angry again.....Im upset.....Im scared.....did I mention Im mad??  I would do anything to not have to see another person get diagnosed with Cancer.  What God has revealed to me.....today.....is that I am now going to be that person I had in my life during my treatment....that 1 person that knew what all the big words meant....that 1 person that understood when my fingernails hurt....that 1 person that was living proof that I could do this.  That 1 person that I grew up with, that knew me inside and out...Wow, what a blessing to be called to be that 1 person for her!  I had many of you that were there with me every step of the way.....but there is just nothing like having someone whos walked in your shoes, telling you I had that, I remember that, here try this, it will go away, etc. This is another part of my Fierce Faith test.....another reminder that there is no guarantee in life, are you going to live each day saying lifes not fair or are you going to live for each moment.....my pastor said...."Imagine if tomorrow when you woke up all you had was what you thanked God for yesterday."   Ooooooh, creepy huh?!  Did you thank God for your spouse, kids, family, job, house, health, church, clothes, finances, cars, toys, food, and the list goes on and on and on......Or did you just cry out the usual cry of why lord is this happening to me, why arent you listening??   Dont get me wrong....I do that too, but I also remember to thank him for all my many blessings.  Is breast cancer the worst thing I could have been diagnosed with?  Absolutely not!!  Did it turn my world upside down?  You bet it did!!  But now Im able to think clearer, laugh often, love more, and thank God for the little things.  As I begin phase II of Fierce Faith, I am excited to see how God is going to continue to show me his ultimate plan for my life!!

~Fierce Faith~