Emotional Healing

Well, here we are......Almost 1 year from my Diagnosaversary! April 5th, 2011. But this is the month it all came to a head....the month I started really listening to my body.....noticing the signs God was giving me! I have never experienced losing a super close loved one, but I've always heard the 1sts over the following year are the hardest to get through. I feel like I am starting my year of "Firsts" Like I had mentioned, this is the month I started noticing the signs that something just wasnt right in my body. Although I didnt have any major ailments, all the small things were enough to send me to the doctor for a long overdue physical. So, March 28th, 2011...Dr. Ashley found the lump. As I get closer to this day 1 year later, the feelings all come rushing back! It felt as if the year flew by in a whirlwind of appointments, chemo, sickness, surgery, recovery, etc. I was just going through the motions, that I dont think I really ever processed emotionally what I was going through. Now, as I look back on those things, I feel my world shaking around me. My emotions are at an all time high as I process what I wasnt able to a year ago. As I head into my year of firsts, I will cling to God to remind me that I am alive and I made it! I do not have cancer, but the scars both physically and emotionally are a constant reminder that I once did! I feel like this year I will re-face the fears I faced a year ago and it will be such an emotional cleansing for me. I will look back on all my firsts and realize the strength I gained.....First mammogram, First ultrasound, First needle biopsy, First PET scan, First CT scan, First MRI, First surgery, First time port was accessed, First time seeing my bruised cut body, First Chemo, First effects of chemo, First time being bald, First hat, First wig, and the list goes on and on!!! Although I have some fears heading into this year, I will put on my helmet, buckle my chin strap, and face these things head on with "FIERCE FAITH" It seems so weird that I am feeling this way when last year was the tough year, but I think the battle of my mind takes twice as much fight as the physical battle I've already endured. I look forward to facing all my fears again, and moving forward to the bigger better life God has in store for me!!

God Bless you All.
~Fierce Faith~