Tired!

Well today I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed! I guess after 6 days of just feeling "ok" its finally caught up to me. Its like a yo-yo...I'm happy that I'm not miserably sick, but frustrated that I constantly feel chemo aftermath! My mouth and throat feel like a giant cotton ball!! Food doesn't taste very good, but I want to eat so bad! Liquids are still hard to get down because of the weird taste. I want so bad to be able to enjoy something!! I believe it was my second TX that I didn't feel too bad right away, and then it kicked in the next week....I'm kinda feeling that way now....like I celebrated too soon. I'm tired!!! Tired of being bald.....tired of feeling nauseous all the time....tired of dry mouth.....tired of chemo brain.....tired of heartburn....tired of being irritable....tired of being tired.....tired of appts....tired of orange pill bottles....tired of diarrhea...tired of muscle aches....tired of my nail beds hurting...tired of hot flashes...oh and did I mention tired of chemo brain?!?  Ha!  And the list goes on and on!!!  I know its almost over, I know the end is near.......but right here, right now.....I'm miserable!!  My poor family has gotten the brunt end of my misery the last few days....I'm sure they will all have stories to tell about "The day mom flipped out!"  lol   I may be the one with cancer, but we are all experiencing the effects of cancer!  So glad I have such great friends and family that will hang in there with me till the end!!!  Thank you all, and as I always say, I could not do this alone, without all the prayers and support and people cheering for recovery, it would be easy to fall into a place of darkness and doom!!  But I will continue to push through with my fierce faith so that one day...not to far from now....I can look back and say I DID IT!!!

~Fierce Faith~

Out of hibernation

Hello again!! Chemo # 4 is now officially behind me!!!  I literally walked in the door from work on Wednesday evening....took off my shoes....crawled in to bed and stayed there until today...Saturday!!  I was still in my work clothes until Friday when I changed my shirt!  Chemo brain was in full force this round, I forgot to go in for my Neulasta shot the day after chemo...Thank goodness one of the nurses called and reminded me around 4:15, so I was able to run in and get it before they closed!  I then forgot to take my last dose of steroids, and almost forgot my big nausea pill, forgot my meds for heartburn. I cant say I felt any worse or better than after any of the other txs, I just figured as long as I could sleep I wouldn't have to feel any of the pain.  It worked! (somewhat) Still feel crappy, but I'm coming up out of it! I was able to walk around the farmers market with my mom and Aliyah this morning, even made a trip to the grocery store......bad bad bad thing to do when you are really hungry and just trying to come up with things that might taste good...$50 later I ended up with potato chips and bean dip, hash browns, watermelon, sugar snaps cereal (which I never eat) top ramen, & some orange slice gumdrops!   WTF?!?!?  How am I supposed to put any of that together as a meal???  I'm still not sure any of it will even taste as good as it sounds, but hey at least I feel like I might be able to eat sooner than the last treatments.  I do have to say the new rx for heartburn is awesome!!  I have mild heartburn this time, but nothing like the last ones.  I still have the gross taste thing going on, but minus the heartburn makes it much easier to even try different foods.  So, now I can proudly say I only have 2 treatments left and I am thrilled!!!  Although this was a crazy ride, I can see how later I will be able to look back at it and think, that wasn't so bad.  Although I'm not technically a survivor yet, I will leave you with this; 

Top 10 Ways to Know You are a Cancer Survivor

10 Your alarm clock goes off at 6 a.m. and you're glad to hear it.
9. Your mother-in-law invites you to lunch and you just say NO.
8. You're back in the family rotation to take out the garbage.
7. When you no longer have an urge to choke the person who says,
"all you need to beat cancer is the right attitude."
6. When your dental floss runs out and you buy 1000 yards.
5. When you use your toothbrush to brush your teeth and not comb your hair.
4. You have a chance to buy additional life insurance but you buy a new convertible car instead.
3. Your doctor tells you to lose weight and do something about your
cholesterol and you actually listen.
2. When your biggest annual celebration is again your birthday, and not the day you were diagnosed.
1. When you use your Visa card more than your hospital parking pass

~Fierce Faith~

Crappy Chemo #4

I'm back! Not sure why it took me 3 weeks between posts.....partly sick, partly busy, partly lazy!! Well, I had chemo #4 today. It went well...had labwork this morning, then met with Dr. Nichols and then on to chemo...I think this was record time..was in chemo suite by 9:30 and out by 1pm!! James and I went to Olive Garden and had lunch together and then I did my usual after chemo...drove back to work and took a nap in the car before going in to work. I get benadryl with my chemo tx and it just really makes me tired, plus I usually dont sleep well when I start those dumb steroids!! The steroids do not allow me to sleep for more than an hour at a time, and they increase the hot flashes, and instigate the heartburn!!  Dr. Nichols gave me some prescriptions to use for my heartburn...I pray that these will help...uuuugggghhhh, its sooooo miserable!!! So now here I sit, wondering when its going to hit me, what its going to be like this time, how long its going to last??  I could sit and wonder, or just know that it is what it is and keep moving forward knowing that my body is being healed of cancer!!  I only have 2 treatments left, August 2nd & August 23rd.  Surgery is tentativly scheduled for September 19th. Im in the process of working out the details.  Its just amazing to think that this whole thing started April 5th, 2011 and just 5 months later I will be on the recovery side, the survivor side!!  It feels like it has been an eternity since diagnosis day, but when its all over to look back and think 5 months...thats not bad at all!  I do know I will have to add in some recovery time to my surgery...Dr. Nichols said 6-8 weeks for recovery!  I was thinking like 2!  Hahaha.  She kind of laughed when I said that...the laugh that meant "Good Luck with that"  lol   I also have to continue with the herceptin for a year, right now its every week, but after chemo is done it will be changed to every 3 weeks, but that has very little side effects....well other than the fact that it could weaken your heart muscle!!  I will have another EKG after my last chemo to make sure everything is all good, and then be checked again every 3 months.  I have to say this has been such a learning experience.   I am very excited to be able to help others with the information I have gathered and the journey Ive experienced.  I want to thank so many of you for all the prayers, meals, support....And thanks to those of you that have bought me hats and scarves!  I love them all, and its so fun to go to work with different hats each day!  Well, that is it for my rambling brain for tonight.  I love you all and I continue to feel the peace and comfort from your prayers.  Thank you so much!

~Fierce Faith~

Crappy Chemo #3

4:38 am! 4hours 32 minutes 27 seconds (but who's counting) until round 3! The last week has been great, I've felt good, energy level is up! Its amazing how that 1 great week totally prepares your mind to go in and do it all again. Not to mention my least fav side effect, (but maybe theres more to it than we know) is "chemo brain" I know I just simply forget those 4-7 crappy days! You women with kids can relate when you were pregnant...its like you're only functioning with half a brain! (For men..its like your every day life!) Haha, totally kidding! This is where a sense of humor and ALOT of grace from my friends and family is soooo important!! Funny story for ya: Mom meets me up at Chee Chees to pick out my wig, when we leave my car won't start. So, I get out the jumper cables...imagine if you will....sweet little nanny (who's knowledge of cars is that it gets her to the mall for shopping, lol!) Although she's assisted in more than a handful of these jumpings...all with my car! & then you got me...mush brain.... so, everythings hooked up, we start the cars, yiiipppe, it worked! We disconnect the jumper cables, I go to put my hood down...and the few working brain cells say " make sure you have your keys before you close the hood" Im rubbing my pockets, looking to see if I set them near the battery...now Im in a panic!! No sooner do the words come out of my mouth, "I can't find my keys!" That I look at mom and realize my car is running!! Hahaha! I suppose that could have had a more severe outcome than it did! Lol So, if any of you have been waiting for God to reveal something to you, or answer a prayer...give him some time...he's been workin overtime with me lately! Lol The real scary thing is that I then get behind the wheel and drive down the same streets many of you are driving on!! So, watch out for 16 year olds, and chemo patients!! Lol

Ok...So here we go #3...the halfway point! Its so hard to believe its only been 2 1/2 months since the life changing news! It feels like an eternity, yet so much has happened so fast! I will never be happy that I had cancer, but I will ALWAYS be greatful for how it changed my life; how close it has brought my family, the blessings Ive received, the strength I've been given, the fears Ive been faced with...and overcome! The opportunity to see through hurting eyes! So many many things that have changed me and who I am and how I think and how I look at others, FOREVER. Life is precious, you never know what will happen tomorrow....live each day as if it were your last...Love! Laugh! Hug! Say I'm sorry! Say I love you! Say Thank you! Appreciate what you've been given! No regrets!! Love you all!
~Fierce Faith~

??

Well, I'm sitting at ccnw for my weekly herceptin infusion.....so many emotions...I look at all these people around me, all different walks of life. 14 chairs.....all filled by someone that has been diagnosed with some form of cancer. I can't help but ask all the "W's"........ What is cancer....Where did it come from? Why these people? Why me?!?
I could sit and wonder these un-answerable questions all day, but it only makes me feel worse. Instead, I will focus on the amazing things I love in my life...the things that make sense to me...the things I choose! My friends, my family, my savior! Thank you to all those that continue to pray for my family and I. That continue to support "Team Steph" I am so lucky to have all of your love and prayers!

God Bless ~Fierce Faith~

Bad blogger!

Its official...I am a bad blogger! Promised I'd post at my last chemo, and here we are a week and a half later! (I started this on June 8th....but it is now Saturday June 11th!! )So, a quick catch up...round 2 went really well, I was out in 3 1/2 hours. Mom was there keeping me company! Felt good Wed. and Thurs. By Friday I was really tired and had horrible heart burn. Symptoms not as severe as the first tx. But Monday and Tuesday and still today, mouth sores, sore throat & nausea! And I still have heart burn. All in all not nearly as bad as the first time, but lots more fatigue. Which I think is normal with each additional tx. I guess I just have a new "normal"
I did get a wig! My amazing coworkers collected enough money to get me a human hair wig from Chee Chees. I just got it yesterday. Chee Chee cut and styled it, and showed me how to care for it. I will post a pic....still trying to get used to it myself! My scalp is so sensitive right now. All the little stubbles are slowly coming out.
Today is a good day! Weve got the Liberty Lake yard sales, the farmers market, and nice weather! So, I am going to enjoy this time with friends and family! I have so much I want to post, but my mind is running so fast! So this is it for now.
Love you all ~fierce fairh~

Chemo Eve

Twas the night before chemo and all through the house not a creature was stirring....except for me! Lol Last steroid taken at a quarter to five...my body's not sleepin, its ready to drive.....the vacuum!! Ok, I'll stop. Just wanted to get out a quick post before round 2 of UCFC. I will be sure to post once we step into the ring again. 6-1-11 cancer vs chemo. I'm feeling great, ready to fight the aftermath of chemo again! I've got my bag packed, lots of books and drinks (no they do not contain alcohol) Keep the prayers coming. Until tomorrow....good night!

Love ~Fierce Faith ~